There are plenty of things out there that drive us all nuts. Here is a list of some things (in no particular order) that currently make me want to Hulk Smash:
1) People beating jokes into the ground, or people who are only funny when they repeat other peoples jokes.
Exhibit A: Nickelback Jokes
Exhibit B: Jokes about lower back tattoos
Exhibit C: Zooey Deschanel
2) Things that are blatant lies. You’re not fooling anyone, Outback Steakhouse.
3) People who seem super cool or witty or attractive or smart on Facebook, but in real life they fucking aren’t, like whatsoever.
4) Girls that wear high heels that they can’t walk in so they waddle around uncomfortably for everyone to see. If you know you’re going to be at school or work or wherever for an extended period of time, wear something that doesn’t make it painful to look at you.
5) The Duck Face. ENOUGH!
6) GEICO ads. Time to close the book on weird talking animals that have nothing to do with anything. Your ad’s suck so bad right now even Progressive is kicking your ass, and Flo’s a serious bitch.
7) People talking about their pets like they are their children. Your children don’t shit on the living room floor (hopefully) or leave dead mice at your door to tell you they love you.
8) When people leave the volume up on their phone in a quiet room, or even leave it on vibrate. If you’re getting your text on, turn your phone on fucking silent, your vibrating jingles are annoying and no one thinks you’re important because your phone keeps going off. You’re probably talking to your mom.
9) On the same note as #8- if you’re in a computer lab or on your computer in the general vicinity of other people and you want to listen to music or watch magical YouTube videos or whatever that requires volume… WEAR SOME GODDAMN HEADPHONES. While there are only two types of people in the world: Kelly Clarkson fans and LIARS, the same does not go for Megadeth and “Zombie Nation.”
10) Lindsay Blohan. Girl, your teeth are falling out and your face has chronic coke bloat/collagendowns-syndrome. While I enjoyed your side boob in Machete, please stop trying to jump on the comeback bus, seats taken.
11) People that smell like soup. I don’t know if you use Campbell’s Chunky Body Wash or what, but shits gotta stop. Seriously.
12) Super unnecessarily rude unattractive girls. All I asked you was what time it is, easy on the stink face.
13) That people “liking” or commenting on your Facebook status, pictures and posts has become a huge form of validation. For example: “Damn it! The only person that liked my status was some kid from high school that always tries to Facebook chat me even though I don’t remember ever having a face-to-face conversation with him in my whole life, oh and my mom. DELETE!”
14) When people tell you not to swear in everyday situations where you should be allowed to swear. That’s like trying to eat one potato chip, it’s impossible. Why don’t you stop blinking?
15) UNNECESSARY USE OF CAPS LOCK.
16) The Education Connection commercial jingle. >:O
17) The sound of people clipping their nails. I shudder at the thought.
18) When someone eats something and then says “Oh my God, this is sooooo nasty… try it!” NO! I’m not going to try it, you just said it was gross, why would I want to put myself through that??
19) People who talk during movies. Particularly people who say things like “oh my god, watch, this part is crazy” or things like that OR people in movie theaters that ruin the movie for everyone. Shut, the fuck, up. Thanks.
20) When people say “Oh I know, right?” WRONG!!
21) The rainbow wheel on Mac’s.
22) When the car in front of you doesn’t realize they have their blinker on.
23) When people end whatever they’re saying with “just sayin’.” Yes, thank you for clearing that up, because you JUST SAID IT.