I have often pondered if I could possibly love anything in life more than I do Claussen dill pickles. You can go a lot of different places with that statement, but the answer will always be no.
I fucking love dill pickles with every fiber of my being. I love the halves, I love the spears, I love the mini ones, I love the wholes ones more than Snooki ever could and I even love those delicate little sandwich slices… so delicious in my mouth. My affinity for dill pickles began as a child and continues to grow with age. If it was still appropriate to get a side of pickles that was bigger than my actual meal, I would be ALL OVER DAT!
A few weeks ago, knowing pickles make my heart skip a beat, my boyfriend brought home “hot and spicy” pickles from the grocery store. “I can get down with that,”I thought… I don’t mind spicy things and it’s still a dill pickle after all.
These pickles were created in hell. The first crunch is pleasant, but then comes the burn. This lingering burning can only compare to what it must feel like to hold a lighter to your tongue… it’s so awful… so so awful. *sniffle sniffle tear* Just the sight of these “demon things” in the refrigerator makes me frown and shake my head from side to side.
Its taken me a little while to recover from this experience, but I would never walk away from dill pickles, ever… not even if my boyfriend tries to light my mouth on fire.
-You can find Satan’s dill pickles in the sadistic isle of your local grocery store.-