Life’s Little Victories

Sometimes, it’s the little moments of victory in life that boost your ego the most. Here are 32 of my recent personal favorites.

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When you see girls from High School that used to be skinny and now they’re gigunda.

When you watch a mermaid movie and get the urge to go swimming, but choose to splash around belly down with your head under water in the bathtub instead.

When you think you’re out of food, but then remember there’s string cheese in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator.

When you find out the boy who ruined a decent portion of your life in High School is now engaged to an ogre.

When you bring home a guy from a bar that’s walking distance from your apartment, and the following morning he tells you he lives 3 miles down the road so then you tell him you don’t have a car and make him do the walk of shame.

When you freestyle rap and rhyme “midget” with “legit” and everybody freaks out.

Finding a ring pop in your purse.

When you find out one of your childhood friend is a porn star now.

When you’re eating something delicious in front of your friends and you know they want some, but you eat every bite, over-emphasizing how delicious it is.

When you’re picking your nose and realize that people are staring at you, but you continue anyways.

When you have everything you could possibly need… in your purse.

When you’re at a concert and successfully poke a guy in the butt and run away so he thinks it was the strange man standing next to him.

When there’s a Chic-Fil-A next door to your apartment.

When people keep complimenting your outfit… and you got it at Target.

When you finally have an opportunity to quote one of the 10 books you’ve ever read in your adult life in an intellectual conversation. Which is even more thrilling because 4 out of those 10 books were Chelsea Handler novels.

When you wake up in the morning and then realize you still have two more hours to sleep.

Anytime you eat Cooler Ranch Doritos.

When you get a mani-pedi and the little Asian lady massages your shoulders like a magical massaging panda bear from heaven.

When you and your friend both go into a public bathroom at the same time and you choose the only stall WITH toilet paper.

When you Tupac Walk away from someone to end a conversation.

When you’re unpacking and find your “Rocko’s Modern Life” t-shirt when you move into your new apartment.

When groups of people spontaneously burst into the theme song from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” in it’s entirety.

When you put your IPOD on shuffle and Missy Elliot comes on.

When someone shows up to a party with chips AND french onion dip.

When you give yourself a shampoo Mohawk and bubble beard in the bathtub.

When you decided not to straighten your hair today and you’re walking outside and it starts to rain.

When you think the cereal box is empty, but magically there’s just enough for one more bowl. THANK YOU JESUS!

When you say something funny at the perfect moment, and make someone spit their drink out.

When you put on an article of clothing you haven’t worn in a while and find money in the pocket.

When you’re eating outside at a restaurant and a guy walks by selling bubble blowers. Some may call it being taken advantage of in a moment of weakness… I call it spontaneous opportunity for nostalgic adventure.

When you have flying dreams.

When you read this post a year later and it’s still just as bad as you remember it being. Woops!

#WINNING!

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